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BULLIES should be named and shamed too! As Terrorists! / 23 October 2014

Terrorism. 2. a person who terrorizes or frightens others. (

With all the exposure of child sex abuse I am wishing in an ideal world that our bullies should also be punished.

They say 'move on', 'it's in the past', 'look to the future'.  Well along with sexual abusers, our bullies should be made to see the damage they've wreaked.

In an ideal world we could go back as we are now and have the confidence, the power to fight back.

I thought of getting in touch with one of my bullies to have it out with her and was told it was 'creepy' by a so called friend!! Eh? This girl/demon/witch made my life a misery. I was only happy when she was happy. Life at home was bad enough but she had more power than anyone over me. I went to school when she said. I went home when she said.  

When she she didn’t know where I was, I got hell and remember when she gave me that evil look from the field as I ended my journey on the bus back from grandmas and fear struck, in my turquoise and white dress I ran round to appease my mistress.  'You didn't tell me you were've been gone a week!'

I stopped going to Grandmas and when she was hanging out of her bed during an accident during the night, the home help found her asking for me. She was dead a week later. I went to see her in hospital at least but she was so 'gone' under the hallucinatory effects of the cocktail of drugs that they seemed to dish out to finish people off back then, that she didn't really recognise me. I have felt guilt ever since. I was 12 and Grandma 86.

That bitch shook her fist at me one grey night and shook my world. I avoided her at all costs but one day she followed me home and finally went for me by locking her arm around my neck. Even though my brother and his mate put her face in a puddle that night, I was scared to death. 

From a keen scholar (I couldn't wait to go to secondary school and learn French - I already knew some) and do homework (oh yes) I turned into a greasy, lank haired, depressed little doormat. Luckily she being a year above me had to go the upper school for her third year onwards and I could have some peace at school at least. 

But it led to me dreading every single day at school when I progressed to the upper school (of which I had another three years).  Ending up being lax with schoolwork, homework, hanging around with the wrong crowd who again dictated my life and then came more terrorism and undignified assaults and belittlement.

I have been fighting ever since to educate myself and learn and find a life.

I found out when my 'mistress' deigned to explain why I was targetted, it was because I was 'bonny' and the two girls she idolised want me to hang around with them as I was better looking!  My fault then?

Her 'terrorism' combined with my home life almost destroyed me but I have some kind of survival instinct.

I used to think 'at least I got away', 'I moved out', 'my life is better' but now I sometimes think she and the other terrorists may have won. They seem to be surrounded by family who care while I am isolated. Fighting gets tiring. Writing and performing is my therapy!  This is where my big gob's got me. The following poem explains:

(Now I Am Grown And w(R)eaking  h(A)voc) Falls

I have managed to spell out NIAGARA as I appear to have cried a waterfall rather than a river.......

Now I’m grown
And I can ruin your world
I was your toy
When I was young
To be picked up
Put down
By hands
By words
By perverts
But now I can ruin your world
‘cause I have grown up
I kept quiet
But now I can open my mouth
And you will be undone
When I unleash all the years
To ruin your little world
For the years stolen
Let the tears begin
Not for me this time
I could have flooded Sudan
Torrents of torment
Now it’s your turn