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Jo-anne Cox - disability arts online
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Disability Arts Online

Monsters / 3 May 2013

Beautiful sun, blue sky, I'm late practicing today got distracted reading facebook, been thinking about a link Sophie Partridge posted about Mary Laver www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/proud-disabled-hero-mary-lavers-1862499 a disabled woman who is contemplating hunger strike to beg David Cameron to listen to concerns about the closure of the Independent Living Fund.

It's going round my head and I try to imagine what it must feel like to have decisions about the quality of every aspect of my life made by bureaucrats. What was it the judge said  "These people are privileged" like having a PA is the same as having a servant. So it's going on and on in my head like this.

I do a few scales on the acoustic and then set out to do some proper well disciplined practice on the electric for a composition I'm working on. Well so much for that plan, the A string has gone down, I'm turning the peg trying to get it back up I can feel a tremendous amount of tension and I reckon this one is gonna snap, but there it goes sliding down again and now the G and C as well.

I flick across the strings and I love the bass, a kind of murky monster emerges. My fingers slide all over the strings not really knowing where the notes are anymore. Everything is dark and muddy (a bit like being in my brain on a bad day.)

The derangement of the strings expresses something..maybe my own monsters, maybe my reaction to the deranged "society" we live in where politicians condem disabled people to live as second class citizens, boxed up, institutionalized, stigmatized and worthless. Outside the sun shines.