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Jon Adams asks whose fault is it? / 8 February 2011

Fault number 7: Reversed by Jon Adams

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There are easy questions, some that’s are harder and maybe those that we just shouldn’t even attempt to answer. As a kid, my father wouldn’t let me have a catapult so I made one. The first time I used it I shot a nail through the shed window – to my amazement it passed right through leaving just a hole without cracking the glass. It was definitely my fault that hole was there, I chose to make the catapult, I chose to pick up the nail, pull back and let go.

I did argue in my head that if he hadn’t said I couldn’t have one I would not have made it so it was really his fault, but then I know he was told the same by his dad so where does the ‘buck stop’. There was no way out of this so I dully owned up (An’ aspergers’ positivity that has gotten me out of severe trouble several times) before he saw it and was admonished. It stayed that way for all of the time I lived with my parents – mocking me....

We are always looking for evidence of faults, where to lay the blame. Whose fault was it the Dinosaurs died out? I am sure they weren’t too happy with the ‘tough time’ that followed whatever caused it, but one thing’s for sure we wouldn’t be standing here if an asteroid hadn’t blundered into their ‘long established world’ 65 million years ago (Some say 2 hit and a bunch of volcano’s decided to blow their top all at the same time) We can look back and see that gave us ‘room’ to adapt , evolve, change and fill the niches in the environment left by their absence.

So then - whose fault is it that I am aspergers or that I can barely read and write? I know it’s not my fault or as its nothing I have done, I did work hard at school even if the teachers assumed the opposite.

Was it their fault – it was their choice what they did and encouraged within my peers, Was the way they were brought up – what had happened to them, their teachers or even society at the time? I guess that if you looked carefully at my genetic makeup the ‘faulty genes’ could be traced back down through either side of my family tree to the culprit - But is one really needed?

Do I want to know the answer, point the finger or should I just accept the fact and get on with it. If I wasn’t ‘chosen’ in this way I wouldn’t be writing this now or working in the way I do. Sure it’s always appeared to be my ‘fault’ in others eyes (and not for one second do I consider them faults or imperfection) that led to me being bullied, abused at school – my tough time that I longed would end and has lived with me ever since.

Not strictly a turning point but a moment, best described as an ‘Extinction level event’ un-reversible that started a new distinct and alternate ‘timeline’. You can ask whose fault was it and ‘what if it hadn’t happened’ but now looking back with ‘learning’ space in-between its enabled me to ‘see’ that its ‘made me who I am’.

Keywords: invisible disabled people